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First of al, I paid thirty dollars forthis movie. And, you know, for thirty dollars,I, at least, expected Disney, of all companies, Disney to make something thatlooked, at the very least, good. Passable.

And, believe it or not, thismovie is the most expensive movie ever made by a female director. With a budgetof 200 million dollars, you'd expect it to look at leastgood, right? Blade Runner 2049 had a smaller budget of 185 million dollars,and that movie was visually orgasmic. I am righ. Well, whoop-de-doo,this 200 million dollar movie looks like dogshit. I don't understand what the critics are buzzing about.

Does that look likereal snow to you? Does that look like a real landscape to you?Does that...? Okay that looks fine. but I had to sit through two hoursof astonishing inconsistency with the way this movie looks. The fire isn't fire.The sparrow isn't a sparrow. I know for a factthis movie could have looked way better than it looks right now. Disney isprobably... take that back...definitely the mostsuccessful animation company this world has ever seen.

Let's talk about the writing."Crush these murderers! Your majesty..." A lot of the dialogue in this moviesucks. Corny. Insincere. Uninspired. Cliched. But let's look at how theconflict, the written conflict, fares in this new adaptation compared tothe original.

Mulan No Spoiler Movie Review

The new Mulan does a lot of things differently from the original. Infact, you can even say it's quite the detour from the classic Disney princessthat we've all grown to know and love. In the original Mulan, Mulan is someonewho's dedicated to bringing honor to her family. She's loyal because she's willingto protect her loved ones at all costs. She's also vulnerable. She feels human.The inherent dramatic question in the original Mulan is, "Will Mulan be able tofind her true self in order to find her place in such asocially challenging society?

And look, I have nothing against female superheroes.I think they're awesome. The problem here though is how cananyone relate to this new character? The new internal conflict is,"Can Mulan be her GREAT self in this socially challenging society?" Do you seethe problem here? The internal conflict devolved. It becamemore simple-minded, less multi-layered. And it feels forced. And my biggestquestion is how did they it up? Disney, you had theperfect template for a really well-written story that worksso well in developing not just one character, but multiple characters. Whichleads us to our next topic... You cannot convince me that the newvillain in Mulan, the witch, is a well-developed character. So just tofill you guys in, there's a witch in this movie and she's going through the exactsame conflict as Mulan.

Except instead of showing us the conflict, thewitch feels compelled to constantly talk about her woesanytime she's on screen. As if the viewer was her  psychiatrist. How can acharacter be interesting if he or she constantlyspoon feeds his or her struggles with the audience every time he or she is onscreen? Where's the storytelling in that? Firstof all, they took out Mushu. I think that's a plus for some, a minus forothers.

For me, Mushu gave the story its lighthearted energy. But he also had astory that complemented Mulan's arc pretty well. Now what about the othercharacters? You see what I did there? You know, thecricket's chirping know...? Okay... In all seriousness, there are no morecharacters worth discussing. Seriously. The dirt on Mulan's face was a bettercharacter than most or almost all of the characters in thismovie. Remember how cool Shan-Yu was in the original movie? Well,this clown replaces him. They could have at least made him moreinteresting, or more intimidating, or even funnier! No,he was absolutely none of those.

Disney Latest Movie Mulan Full Movie Review  

What about Mulan's comrades, you ask?They're so boring, so uninteresting, so unfunny. Whereas theoriginal Mulan had some of the funniest supporting charactersin any Disney movie I've ever seen! And what works so well is that the mostimportant leads in the film share similar arcs. They're all trying tofulfill a role they believe that they deserve. In other words, they complementeach other very well.

It's hard for children to get into amovie with such unfunny and uninteresting characters, right? So theleast they could have done was do the iconic music some justice, right?RIGHT?! Alright listen, I love the original music from the original Mulan.But did I really want to see Donnie Yen suddenly drop his sword and startyodeling "I'll Make a Man Out of You" with his army? Not really.

So what did this newmovie do? They removed all the songs. Yes, thatcould cause an uproar. But yeah, they removed all of the iconic Mulan songsthat we've grown to love and that we can't stop singing. They turned this moviefrom a musical into a more "serious" drama. I put "serious" in quotesbecause it is mathematically impossible for anyone to take this movie seriouslyat all. But, I digress.

The new Mulan suffers from the sameweakness that the original Mulan had for me.And that weakness was too much instrumental in the background. Listen, when you have music playing for almost every second of the entire runtime ofthe film, that music will be tuned out. So what's the point,right? Like why is their music even there? Oh, I know why! It's because Westernaudiences can't handle watching a movie without music!

See Full Mulan Cast

You know, the musicunderscoring the scenes and makes the movies...GLOSSIER! DREAMIER! MORE MAGICAL! CHEERIER! Why would you implement a musical scoreso arbitrarily, so liberally, so randomly, when the music ofthis movie has the potential to work, within certain moments in certain scenes,in extremely powerful and emotionally compelling ways?The overuse of background music becomes exhaustive. And frankly, it's a waste ofsomeone's talent and time.

If you're gonna take out the iconic songs thateveryone can sing along to, you might as well take out therandom unnecessary background instrumentals too, right? Because now themusical production is even more of a waste of time!Is this movie worth 30 dollars?
no. Seriously.I think it's become abundantly clear that within these past few years,Disney has not really stepped their game up in putting out original stories.

Mulan Full Original Movie 2009 Review

Andthey should! They really should! Instead, they rely on what's worked inthe past and they remake it in a way that fitsmodern audiences' tastes! And usually, or quite frequently, or almost all the time,the result is they end up tarnishing the legacy of the original predecessor thatmany children have grown to love. I find it hilarious that they wasted 10years to make this movie, only for audiences to realize that those10 years and the 200 million dollars spent on this movie was a massive waste of time andmoney. This movie, at its best, was very mediocre. And, at its worst, waslaughably poor.

The new Mulan made me feelnothing. And it was frankly a disappointment because it didn't do theoriginal animated film any sort of justice,nor was it even good enough to be recognized as its owngreat standalone film. I'm gonna give Mulan two ] stars,not just for wasting two hours of my time, but for wasting thirty dollars outof my wallet. 

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